10 things NOT to do at a funeral

Well I attended my sister’s funeral a few weeks ago. And in classic Chesya style, I found enough humor in it to write about. (But let me say, that this is not anything my family would ever do. No siree—not MY family.) So, with no further ado, I have for you the 10 things NOT to do at a funeral.

10. Don’t weight three hundred and fifty pounds, wear a five foot wide, three feet tall hat and push your way to the front of the line so that you can sit on the front row and be seen.

9. You haven’t been to a proper funeral until someone falls out—especially when cameras are around. So don't dive out of your seats and roll around just for the fun of it.

8. Don’t sit around talking about who will be the next to die—or better yet, who SHOULD be the next to die.

7. Don’t tell one of the four remaining sibling “you shole is a pretty nigga”—especially if it’s simply because she’s three shades lighter than the others.

6. When someone has been selected to do a solo, it’s NOT your queue for your American Idol audition.

5. During the wake, when people are allowed to speak, and they say, “I wish it was me.” The proper response is not, “We do too.”

4. Don’t write a speech for the news cameras, on a napkin, in the limo, on the way to the funeral.

3. Don’t fall asleep—especially if you’re sitting on the front row wearing a wide rim, five foot tall, three foot wide, hat.

2. Don’t bring your brand new girlfriend who keep staring at the monitors just to see herself on the big screen. And don’t let her point and say, “Look, Star, we on TV.”

And the number one thing NOT to do at a funeral:

When the minister ask all the young people to stand if they want to follow in the foot steps of the dead person, because they are mighty big shoes to fill, DON’T look at the dead girl’s twin and say, “See how many people aren’t going to hell because of your sister.”

I’m just sayin’.