Just How Screwed Up Is Your Family: Part III

Ever been sued by family?

Then you have one up on this guy. Though I wouldn’t worry about him too much, I have it under good authority that he’s a Republican. Sheesh.

My mother is like the godfather. She'll do you a favor, make you a loan, but you have to pay her back (with the vig) or else it's a trip to court. You can't borrow a quarter from her without having to sign a promissary note.

Money is how she controls the people around her. Even if you aren't interested in going to her for a favor, she'll come to you if she thinks she can get her hooks into you. She has sued me more than a couple of times, my sister, my brother–one time me and her brother had the same court date:"I see here that the defendant and the plaintiff have the same lastname. Are you related?" the judge asked.

"She's my mother."

"Your own mother is suing you?"

"Yes, and if you look behind me, you'll see her brother. He's next on your docket."

"She's suing her son and then her brother? Ma'am, I'm scared of you."And the best part is that after court, she'll fix us dinner. Why? Because "business is business, but family is family."


Ah, see, a nice family dinner after a public suing. All you need to round off your evening is for the government to bring back public executions, and you could have your desert and entertainment too.