Don, John and the Van

Don, John and the Van.

All of those things were in play way before my husband and I became involved. In fact we didn’t even know anything about it. We had heard, from Mrs. Debra that Hopeless was in jail. The reason, she said, was because she and Fool, in all his splendid-ness, had gotten tickets while driving his wife’s (?) van and never paid them. After a while, they owed so much money, that they couldn’t have paid without taking out a small loan from the bank of Chesya and Jerome.

Side Note: Hopeless and Fool NEVER pay tickets. In fact it has been proven over and over again that neither of them even have licenses. Over the many, many years I have known them, they both have been in and out of jail for such offences. Jail, itself, seems not to be the issue. No, the issue, is The Man who is trying desperately to restrain them by forcing them (and them alone) to bear the responsibly of being licensed drivers. The government is just picking on them. Everyone should understand. They own a van and seem to be fighting over it, because well, it’s their right, damn-it. End Note.

So this is what happened (and remember, I can’t make this shit up):

Hopeless goes to jail. Just her luck she happened to do it during a time when her own brother, Idiot, is actually out. We will forever know this man as Idiot, on and off this blog—forever.

The first thing my husband and I hear about it is from a late night visit. It was Idiot. Now we don’t talk to Idiot. Ever. I first met him when my husband and I were in high school. Idiot has been in and out of jail ever since. Literally. He used to call and I’d accept the phone calls, but I soon stopped that. He’s always getting out and trying to do the right thing. Oh, and lest we forget, he found God about thirty times. And yet he keeps losing him again. The last time, before this, we had heard from him, his parole officer called and asked how long Idiot would be allowed to stay with us.

“What?” My husband asked the man.

“Idiot said he had permission to stay with you, right? Your address is…”

“No, no, no. He will not be staying with us. Ever.”

So, I guess sometime later Idiot heard what we’d said because he called, three-way, using somebody else’s phone (and don’t say, Chesya, he can’t do that, because if there’s a will, a Con will find a way). “Hey, I don’t really want to stay with you guys,” Idiot said, “I just want to TELL them I’m staying with you guys. You don’t even have to know where I’m staying.”

Yeah, right. So, that’s my good ‘ol brother in law.

So, Idiot, Don, John and the Van were at the door. What did they want? Money. Hopeless was in jail and they were trying to get her out. So if we had any money that we could put in the pot to help get her out, then that would be great. My husband told him no, we were broke. Well, as it turns out that was fine, because if we just had five bucks, so that he could get gas, and get over to another sister in law’s house, then that would be OK too. They are good sports, aren’t they? My husband said no.

Well, the next thing I hear about the van, is that it’s MIA, along with Don and John, and that they were supposed to be getting some food because they had their mother’s food stamp card. Oh, and that food stamp card? Well, turned out, it’s worth more than its weight in gold. There was a small fortune on it; somewhere around 1,000 dollars. And guess what.

Yep, you guess it. They have been going around and selling the food stamps for money. So when we finally get the card from Don and John, there’s (wait…wait for this) a whopping $10 left.

Also, it’s rumored that the three, Idiot, Don, and John, have been using the van to transfer drugs back and forth to North Carolina. They were also said to have gotten rid of the old plates (just in case someone reported it stolen) and put “new” plates on the car. OK, anyone want to guess where the new plate came from?

Did anyone guess, STOLEN? Bingo!

This van is now sitting patiently in my driveway waiting for Hopeless to get out and reclaim it. Also, with it, the food stamp card, with the whopping $10.

Idiot has successfully disappeared with whatever money he has gotten from his sister’s children’s backs, and has sneaked into the background yet again, to not be seen or heard from…until next time.